Written By: Adele Slaughter and Christopher Kennedy Lawford


I know it bothers you when I look at other women. I wish it didn’t. That I might indulge this habit without consequence. I try to do it so you won’t notice. The glance out the rear view mirror or sudden interest in the third graders on the corner surrounding their teacher with the auburn hair and the glasses on top of her head. Appreciating unknown females from afar is one of the most enjoyable things I get to do in this life. Just observing, that’s all. Not cultivating, not passing numbers or following them home. Just checking them out. I don’t even realize I’m doing it. It’s an unconscious thing. I’ve told you about my spiritual malady of leaking through my eyes. I lose a lot of my energy life force that way. My energy gushes from my eyes. Looking at a woman is different, I get something back – excitement, inspiration, new energy. And looking at a beautiful woman takes me out of my life. God knows, I need a way out of my life since putting down the Johnny Walker and the heroin. I know you think it’s like a drug

I don’t mean any disrespect. It really has nothing to do with you. I know that’s hard for you to believe, but it doesn’t. I suppose I wouldn’t like it if you were always checking out guys when I’m with you. Men and women are different when it comes to sex. Not that looking at a woman is the same thing as having sex with her – it’s not. Jimmy Carter said he lusted in his heart and was condemned. Jimmy Carter for God’s sake – Not a very good president, but probably one of the best humans on the planet. Thank God no one can arrest me for what goes on in my head. I don’t wanna be the old guy leering at young girls, but I am and I do. If you catch me, I used to deny it, now I’ll tell you the truth. I might even tell you that given the opportunity, I’d sleep with her but I am too old and tired to go through the pain in the ass to make that happen, so I will just look and hope for a day when you and I might check out someone together and not spend so much time talking about it.


So you want to know and understand why it bugs me when you look at other women? Okay, okay. There can be the whole “it feels like you’re not cherishing me as your woman,” thing going on. And I want to control everything you think and do, of course. And my low deserving power is certainly is part of my irritation when I catch you looking at other women. Of course, there is my insane jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity and all that sludge. And yes, your natural urges and appreciations of other women can be an excuse for me to feel unattractive and used up.

But here’s the deal…

I can’t compete with a girl whose a fantasy. She’s the one you haven’t experienced. That pisses me off so badly and that feeling of powerlessness is irritating. And I’m clever.  And contrary to what you seem to think, I’m not all that worried about you stepping out. If you did, I could deal with that. It’s the flirting and the intriguing and me not getting that sweet sugar that’s mine that makes me crazy…and jealous.

But you know what else? Something I think you forget. I love women too and I look too. Not in judgment but in appreciation. Once, when you and I were walking down the street with your fifteen-year-old son, we both noticed a woman’s lovely ample breasts. We both commented, favorably. And your son was shocked at my appreciating her breasts along with you. He said, “Gosh dad, you’re lucky you have a girl friend who likes tatas”.  We all got a laugh out of that moment.

The truth is, if you include me in the game, if you flirt with me too, I’m happy. It’s when you’re out there giving what’s mine away to some girl that I get irrational (and this is the part I wish I understood better, I hate those women who shamelessly flirt with a man they know is taken). In some ways I’m angrier with those women…I mean guys, after all will be guys.


~ by Christopher Kennedy Lawford on July 9, 2010.

7 Responses to “HeSaid/SheSaid”

  1. yeah? guys will be guys? what a fecking cop out..that’s what they say when they go from looking to cheating with too..sigh*

  2. It is a great subject and I love to read about it. Thankyou both of you for this piece. Im sure you know the work of David Deida? If not, you should…

  3. Brenda said: This is how I deal with my man and his “rolling eyes”, he knows I carry an invisible frying pan in my purse and when I catch him, I whack him! All kidding aside, Chris what you do is not only disrespectful but a lack of consideration knowing that you have someone beautiful at your side. KNOWING she puts up with your bullshit (and I am sure this is one of many). To Adele: Want to borrow my “frying pan”?

  4. HeSaid/Christopher has completely captured what the male animal goes through. We are hard-wired to fulfill the biological imperative. Over-wired is probably more accurate. It gives us pleasure just to see beauty, let alone touch it. Whether we act on this is reflective of our moral character in the face of temptation. Do I want to eat apples? Does she want to play with the serpent? An old story that will never change in this corporeal world. As long as there is healthy lust, the human race will continue. Might as well enjoy it.

    Which brings me to the wisdom of SheSaid/Adele…I know you’re being totally honest too. More of that hard-wiring. To nest, to protect those babies, keep a home. All natural instinct. And the good news is males have it too. Which is why the great majority of us don’t make a move away from our constructed families, unless either partner has been abused, neglected…for a period of time. Then, like any creature, we seek to feel good again, and we reach for happiness over misery.

    In that circumstance, one needs to evaluate what they’re getting out of/in to. The old Dear Abby question comes to mind: are you better off with him/her or without? Life is too short to waste away. Cherish what you have, if you have something…because if you don’t nurture that relationship, it will surely slowly die.

  5. And here, Mr. Lawford, is the crux of the issue (“she” said as much in the last paragraph):

    “It really has nothing to do with you. I know that’s hard for you to believe, but it doesn’t.”

    Actually, it’s not hard to believe at all–while you’re fantasizing about getting your wank on with some lily-breasted lovely, we’re fantasizing about what it would be like to find OUT that you’ve been getting your wank on with said lovely. Instead of us. Whom you should want to have EVERYTHING to do with.

    Get it?

    Not fair, and perhaps not even realistic, but also the way both sides of the coin seem to be cast.


  6. Women after all will be women. Were not much different than our male counterparts when it comes to fantasy, however we can be much more demure when gawking at the opposite sex, at least we think we are. I don’t think us girls expect our partners to go against there apparent god given urges of fantasizing! In fact, I think us girls have the urge far stronger than men. Remember, we were taught to fantasize at a young age. Lets not forget, we grew up with toys, movies and magazines that encouraged perfection, so we can live “happily-ever-after” (a true spiritual malady!) I think that’s why most women can appreciate a perfect set of breasts, a great ass, face etc…so trust me guys, we understand…we just want to be the one you or even he is fantasizing about!! (I guess it really is an inside job)

    Bottom line is, it’s all about ego! yes, that ugly ego! you know boys, you have one too! it’s that feeling you get when the young, hot strapping male walking down the street is staring and fantasizing about having sex with your girlfriend.

  7. You just reminded my why I love being single…thanks.

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